Gollum and The Sims

My least favorite journey has to be the five hour train from my sister’s home to my apartment. Or the five hour plane from my best friend’s home to my apartment. Or the 20+ hour journey across the world from my parents’ home to my apartment.

I guess there’s something to be said about attachment.

It’s currently 8pm, and I’m on my way from Boston to New York in a train that hugs the coastline. I’ve spent a considerable amount of time feeling a bit pretentious, and “gazing” out the window at the arguably stunning landscape; the shimmering water is bluer than ever, and the grass is as green as can be. The sky is slowly bringing out its colors for the night, and the lovely house windows wink at me as we speed by.

I have decided to try writing again after a conversation with my friend who nudged me towards an otherwise dusty, forgotten skill. This requires me to set out on a search expedition; I somehow (conveniently) end up at an old cave that is cobwebby, smells of moss and decay, and is decidedly unpleasant. I venture further into the cave, wrinkling my nose, and at the very end, I spot my writer persona crouching behind a rock. I hesitate to get anywhere near this barely human being. She has a rabid hunger in her eyes and is nearly unrecognizable. She looks starved, is balding, and has what appears to be brittle, paper thin skin. At first sight, she tries to speak but what I hear is a terrifying rasp that echoes through the cave.

Um. We’ll see how this writing business goes. Let’s just say I’m trying to walk with two feet that have fallen asleep.

Anyway. Where were we in my life story?

I’m half a year into a new simulation; at the start, simulation version of me is stationed in a new city where the temperature is set to a comfortable “freeze your toes off”. She is placed in a building labelled “home” with people she doesn’t know, where she sleeps and heats up her oats in the little simulated microwave. For a good portion of the day, she is transported to another building labelled “work” with a lot more people she doesn’t know. Interestingly enough, in this simulation, the people stare into little screens in order to talk to the people sitting next to them. They also tap away at their keyboards and look Very Important. Simulation version of me trips over her feet everyday and breaks into a sweat every time she talks to a new person, which is frequent enough given she knows no one. 

Ok, maybe you guessed it; I’m finally working! Cat’s out of the bag. Life has been nothing short of new experiences; I’m navigating the workplace, the weird transition from student to employee, and living in a place where nothing is familiar. It’s been scary and exciting and awesome and sometimes lonely. I’ve slowly been working on forming ties that make a house a home. When I visit family and friends, I miss them even when I’m with them. The very specific joy I derive from this pain is in the reinforcement of how limitless love can be towards family and friends-like-family.

There’s also lot of laughter and humor coming from the most unexpected of places, and I’m the happiest being caught unawares. Here’s a message I sent my friend on a Tuesday after work:

 The most relatable thing I heard today at work was someone sitting next to me, on their Zoom call, going “MAN am I SICK of Taco Tuesdays!!! Every Tuesday I go down to the cafeteria and every damn Tuesday they’re serving tacos. Is there no other food starting with T? Like… like… THAI Tuesday or or or… SOMETHING else. Anything else. God.”

On that note, happy Tuesday and hopefully you enjoy a taco, or… not?